Healing is Hell served w/ a shot of Espresso

"The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." - Caroline Myss

There's a hell lot of books out there on healing and self-love and how to get over your pain but I know all that doesn't work when you're in the middle of a breakdown, when you can't even see straight because tears have blurred your vision and in those moments, sometimes you even forget the real reason you're crying, you just feel this immense pain in your chest like your heart is bleeding and you cry more and more and more. 

We're all healing in ways, because I think its not a phase that starts and ends, Healing is fixing and we all need a fix from time to time , don't we? Nuh-uh I'm not talking about getting high or drinking till you can't think straight. 

So you know why I call it a Hell. But it is also your bestfriend's 'I am here for you.' It is also the universe's 'I am listening to You.' through sunsets, moon, stars and rain and all those little things that keep you going. Those are your shots of Espresso. 

I won't give you examples of heartbreaks because we all don't have the same shit tearing us apart from within. But if you're hurting, I know there's someone involved in your reason. In the cases where that someone is yourself, I hope you'll have the courage to forgive yourself. Because You are the only person you cannot remove from your life or avoid. 

A common trait that most people share when they start healing is overcaring. Its not a switch you can just pull off and I will not ask you to do so either. What you can do, though, is redirect your overcaring nature towards yourself. If you can care enough for someone to blame yourself till you're in pieces, i believe you have the strength to care enough for yourself to find your peace. 

I know its easier to say than do. I know it can take months, even years, to heal from the way you were treated or the things that still haunt you at night when you feel drained of every ounce of motivation to live to see the sun next day. 

Your wound is probably not your fault. But your healing is definitely your responsibility. 

It will always start with discomfort, your mind will not like to move on because you're comfortable with the pain, the patterns. And even if it causes you heartbreak, it'll be hard for you to walk away, or walk out of that cycle. But as they say, if you walk into hell, why would you stop walking? What you can focus on here is that whatever triggers you also tells you what you need to heal. 

We take less than we deserve because we don't know what we truly deserve. We are developing into better version of ourselves unknowingly. And with that development, our bar moves higher as well. What we once deserved is no more what we might deserve now. But what you should remember is that, you deserve what you bring to the table. You deserve love, kindness, care and above all, you deserve to be believed in. Have you witnessed the magic that happens when you show someone you believe in their goodness when they're at their absolute worst? It makes them believe in their own goodness and they become it. These too are mere words until your mind finally sees that your soul is trying to save you from the damage that is already been done. If you're overthinking something, you're probably manifesting what your subconscious needs to happen in order for your mind to realize what's truly for you and what isn't. Because that overthinking will only interfere when some part of you feels unsafe , mentally. 

In Atomic Habits, it is briefly explained how certain habits and behaviours will repeat when you enter the environment where you caught it. For example, if you had a traumatic childhood, but then you moved out of that place. You will feel and react the same way you would have done as a child when you re visit that place. You will feel that heaviness in your heart and you will feel suffocated. Even if you're having an amazing life at that point. 

Same is with people. When you revisit the people that may have intentionally or unintentionally abused you mentally, you will feel and act like the victim even if you have moved far from them or moved on from that phase of your life. Not because you feel for them, but because it became a habit, a comfort zone for your mind. 

You can read a ton of books and watch self-love videos but what you really need is a detox from that surrounding and the people that caused you pain. Once you do, you will immediately feel refreshed. Because, my friend, healing is all about understanding what hurt you and removing it from your life, like removing a bullet from your body if you have been shot but are still breathing. 

The biggest most hardest part of healing is wanting to heal. Because we don't want to until we hit rock bottom and feel the necessity to bounce back up and never fall there again. 

"Someone giving you less doesn't mean try harder." - r. h. Sin