Dump your Denial, it's not helping.

We often have a superior belief of ourselves, yes we see our flaws and we're insecure about it but we're also very defensive of ourself when someone else tries to show us the mirror and dwell deeper into our ugly interiors. We spend so much time in trying to hide our own cruelty from ourselves that we can't accept that we are wrong, that we made a mistake, that we're capable of dumb decisions and we might not be the best person at a point in time. We cannot accept the fact that maybe, just maybe there's an evil part of us, and we let it win when we're tired of being the good person, the 'everyone's favourite ', the 'kindhearted one'. We're so done with people's perception of us, so tired from doing all the nice things that we start seeking chaos and chaos we get. Somewhere down the lane of becoming what we're not, we forget what truly matters. We forget the ones that love us, the people who put efforts into bringing us up and so when we fall, we take them down with us. 

When you're making a mistake, there's gonna be this quiet voice inside you who doesn't shout at you or scream at you to stop. It simply tells you this isn't You and if you still continue, its gonna be your responsibility to pay for what you're doing. It tries to save you but as they say, none can save you if you do not wish to be saved. So it goes. You go ahead with a decision you know deep in your heart is wrong but you're most probably doing that out of anger, grief or jealousy. You aren't in the right state of mind to understand the consequences of what you're doing and once its done, reality comes crashing at you like a thunderstorm. The funny thing about mistakes is, you don't truly understand you're making a mistake until its done. Only after reaching the end of that tunnel , you find out it was the wrong one. That's the irony of life, I guess. Some mistakes you're supposed to make to learn lessons you won't forget for life. 

All you can do to avoid this is to admit you were wrong. To take responsibility of your actions and to learn from them. There's no end to being a good person and more so, if you have a kindred soul, being evil is not for you. It simply won't bode well because god never gave you that brain or that thinking to go along with it. You were never meant to be bad and so no matter how many times you try to become it, you will fail and hurt yourself. Dump that denial, its not helping. Accept yourself and limit yourself from the things you know are gonna hurt you though they seem good and not harmful. 

Trying to become what you're not never ends well. Be more of what you are, keep becoming a better you. It isn't as easy as it sounds, I know, but trying is all we can do. Good Luck!! May you come out a better person from that tunnel than you were walking in.