Inevitability of a Choice
A friend of mine asked me to write on this particularly so here we are. She said, write something about the quote from Buddha that goes like
And I thought of it for a time long enough until I realized how inevitable even choices can be. You only get to make a particular choice once in life. That leads to another and it goes on and on like Robert Frost tries to explain in his poem "The Road Not Taken". There's nothing we can do about pain apart from giving it time to pass because the truth of pain is it leaves you too (like every crush and ex of yours lol, just kidding, that plot twist was for your own good and I'm happy for you if you have let them go emotionally too). What I'm trying to explain is, pain takes time, there's no amount of stressing you can do to make it go away. But suffering, well there IS something you can do about it. You can ease the knots around your heart if you just allow yourself that release, that freedom. Not letting go of pain because its the only link connecting you to your past is definitely a quote good to read but not one to follow. You're your own villain and the day you understand this and forgive yourself, hopefully, you'd stop trying to look like the hero in everyone else's story and let them see you as they think fit. Loving someone and caring for them is a good thing. Love is an act of kindness towards another person but I hope you don't turn it into an act of torture towards yourself. Yes, love is making difficult choices , nothing is easy, but in all of that philosophy, there's deep down a kid in you that needs nurturing too. You can expect it from your partner if you're in a healthy relationship but only you can guarantee it for yourself. If its not taken care of, it will reflect that pain on people who might not deserve it, the people you love.
There's many people out there on Instagram and other social media trying to explain the impact of our mindset on our choice of words around our partners and loved ones. We act nice towards people who we're not close to and who might not even care about us as much. But when it comes to our loved ones, we become raw and rough with what we say. In truth, shouldn't it be the other way around?
Why are you being nice to everyone else and rude with the one who chooses to love you? What belief is so hardwired into our brains to make us so hurtful towards the ones who are only trying to love us? When we say we shouldn't think before speaking to them, it doesn't mean in the sense people understand it. When we say, don't think before you speak, it means be true to them, show your heart, be original, don't make an image infront of them which is not your true self. But what people take from this generally is that, talk however you want to when you're triggered or angered because "he/she isn't going anywhere" . Just because someone loves us enough to stay with us through our worse times doesn't make them deserving of our cruelty. Half of the time, we get angry on them for the mistakes we make, the things we don't want to accept, when we realize we're wrong but don't like it, our defense is to show them they're wrong and they have flaws too.
Why am I saying all this in a blog about Choices and Suffering?
Because the choice you make in how you treat your loved ones affects the suffering it might cause you both. Love is a violent act, they say, it indeed is, but kindness can be developed through all that chaos because on the other side of that fight, that argument, that disagreement, that silence, is someone who just wants to be with you, who just needs your presence, who simply cares about you.
When we love someone truly, we also challenge them to become better. It comes with the care and concern package we bring for them haha. Similarly, they too will challenge the heck out of you. It might feel like an attack and you might hurt them in trying to defend yourself but as I said. Love , too, is a choice.
A choice you have to make every single day.
A choice that will happen every single day.
Whatever your other options might be, loving that person is one of them and as long as you choose loving them, you're choosing a partner for life against all the other options that will probably be temporary.
Yes, money and everything that can be bought from it can last with you, but ask yourself, does that thing you might choose over your partner actually matter? Do you truly need it? Are you okay with hurting them by not choosing them? If its possible for you to choose something else over them, do you even love them?
There's a lot we can ask and indeed all of us make mistakes. But guess what? There's something good about choices too.
You can change the pattern of your choice by making a different one that may be truly better for you and keep doing so until your life path has been accustomed to a better set of decisions. Today, you can choose them over that something else that doesn't have true worth for you. And you can keep choosing them.
I hope that with time, someday, you will understand which choices truly matter and have the courage in your heart to make them despite how difficult it might be.
